Author Archives: Jordan Rae

the hermit

The other day I was sittin’ with Mom and Riley Mae and we were all watchin’ frogs sunnin’ in the sun. We watched as a little guy swam up to a rock, slowly streeetched, climbed up, and settled down into the damp mossy algae like a loafing cat.

“You know what I don’t believe?” I asked rhetorically. “I don’t believe that frogs actually eat. I mean, have you ever seen one eat? No, you haven’t.” Two minutes later this same little cozy frog launched forward and caught two bugs.

It was almost as cool as the time we saw a lil crayfish 3 seconds after Mom said “but we never see crayfish” and 1 second before Dad texted her “are you looking for crayfish?”

What are the odds??

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birthday cake and fridge poetry

Taylor turned twenty-seven yesterday.

*cue “27” by the magnificent Passenger:

twenty seven years now / only thing I know / I know that I don’t know how / to please everybody all of the time / ’cause everybody’s always fucking changing their minds

When we were young birthdays were super exciting; you all know how it used to be in the days of our youth. We got cards in the mail with money in them, donuts for breakfast, Mom planned us themed fun-filled parties (some of my most memorable were dinosaurs, cats, and pirates), and we’d get a day off from all of our chores. For 24 hours everyone just had to be nice to you, cause it was your birthday.

These days we really don’t do too much to celebrate birthdays in our family; more often than not we just give a few gifts and have a nice meal and dessert. We’re lucky if everyone remembers to send us a “happy birthday” text, and why does the money always stop when you need it most!? Like, we have bills to pay now. What’d we need it for when we were 6??

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hello, august

I’m currently hyperfixating on getting a kitten.

And no, it’s not an unfounded obsession.

Last week Taylor adopted her first cat from a friend of a friend who had a stray show up on her porch. When Taylor brought the little black-and-white beauty home the whole thing was a bit sus, and now our suspicions have been pretty much confirmed by the vets: little miss Agnes is preggers. She is with child. She has buns in the oven. She’s eating for two (or eight).

I’m thrilled. My cousin Maddie is thrilled. Taylor is thrilled (after initially having an anxiety attack about it). Assuming that all goes well, and that Agnes pops out at least three healthy babies, the three musketeers™ will all be adopting sibling kittens. How cute is that!?! I’m obsessed with this idea (and yes, we already have a group chat going).

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cocaine, dopamine, and other drugs

Yesterday I found myself on a park bench watching the ducks and geese and chimney swifts while the sun set in the hazy sky. I was just sittin’ and thinkin’ about how crazy it is that life is just a series of getting addicted to one thing after another, and then inevitably withdrawing from each one.

Just hear me out.

Sure there are the obvious (and often harmful) addictions, but discovering a new song that you play on repeat? Creating a good habit that makes you feel good? Creating a bad habit that makes you feel good? Making fun purchases? Talking to someone you like or love? Hanging out with friends? Good foods? Good shows?? Good books???

They all give you that hit of dopamine or serotonin or oxytocin (or all of the above) that we all ~~want~~ need so badly.

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barbie girl

Movie theaters really aren’t my thing™.

It may have something to do with the fact that I had a panic attack in one when I was 8…and then again when I was 10…and again somewhere in my teen years. Not to mention the fact that someone is always choking on popcorn half-way through the movie (come on, people).

I mean, sure, I’ve had some really fun experiences at the movie theater too, but some memories just stick out more than others, ya know?

So movie theaters really aren’t my thing™.

Drive-ins on the other hand? Love ’em.

click on the photos to enlarge them

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happiness

This week I’ve been focusing on the simple task of being happy.

And by simple, you know I mean arduous.

Okay listen, I haven’t lost it completely…the foundation that I so carefully constructed during the last 6 months is still there…underneath some rubble. A serious lack of blue skies, a desk that is sticky from the constant humidity, and some unexpected happenings that have happened have caused a few recent earthquakes. Or maybe some natural, beneficial forest fires.

(it’s yet to be determined)

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polaroids on the pond

Although I didn’t go kayaking for the first time until I was probably a tween, it feels like there was never a time before it.

The first time I ever went was on a river with my grampa, and I brushed against the reeds and grasses so many times that I ended up with a boat full of lanky river spiders. They were crawling all up my arms and legs, and, as you can imagine, that absolutely scarred me. So although I did not give up kayaking, to this day I still prefer to stick to kayaking on open ponds.

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the color yellow

When I was 10 or 11 years old I bought a beautiful tie-dyed sundress from a little hippie shop down the road.

I don’t remember what I spent on it, but I do remember that it was quite a bit for that time in my life — probably my whole allowance. But I loved that dress. It was bright and cheerful, soft and flowy, and the yellows in it were like sunshine.

I also vividly remember the man who sold it told me that I was lucky, because a lot of people can’t wear the color yellow.

click on the photos to enlarge them

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the ocean

Before 2021 the ocean seemed very far away to me.

Although it’s only just over an hour’s drive from home, my family and I rarely made our way down to it. The days and nights spent by the crashing waves of Charlestown beach were mostly during our one week of summer camping every year. We would spend all day in our hot campsite at Burlingame, just counting down the minutes until it was time to gather our towels and put on our swimsuits.

It was a salty, sandy, windswept occasion, and oh, how we’d soak up those evenings. Driving back to the campground in our damp suits, and rinsing off in the steaming-hot, coin-fed shower stall before we went to sit around a campfire…it’s a warm fuzzy memory that will forever be sitting comfortably in the back of my mind.

2004, click on the photos to enlarge them

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bones

Recently I accidently got super into animal skulls.

Let me explain.

Last year my 20-year-old cat (Oscar) died. It was from an illness or infection related to old age, and she died 3 minutes before midnight while me, my younger sister, and my mom sat around a bonfire with her (that in itself was a strange story for another day).

As many of you know, my family and I live out in the country, so we naturally have a lot of wild predatory animals around us. And when one of our pets dies, we simply put their bodies out in the field to continue the cycle of life. C’est la vie.