Goodness gracious. Officially half way through April, and it’s definitely been an emotionally tumultuous shift from the previous few months.
Spring has returned, and although it brings the joy of green grass, blooming flowers, singing peepers, and birds fighting over our nesting boxes (as cute as the bluebirds are, they are being just as problematic as usual), it also means that our horrendous neighbors have returned to their horrendous ways (unfortunately, it’s been a telltale sign of the changing seasons for the past decade).
the time of the crocuses has officially passed, but today our first mini daffodil bloomed
After dealing with them for so long, the rev of a dirtbike has been turned into an instant trigger for my family and I, and it’s pretty hard incredibly difficult to stay calm and work through our emotions while also trying not to look ahead to another spring/summer/autumn of possible probable incessant noise.
But we are continuing to do our emotional work, and to make it a little easier for ourselves, last month we decided to put together a nice little “bunker” (or, as Riley Mae calls it, the burrow™) in our basement where we can go and work and/or decompress if the noise gets too bad. It’s complete with a couch, TV, a table to work at, and plenty of colorful Christmas lights, which is rather cozy (I’ve gone and worked in it a few times just because I wanted to).
this little beaver-built pond was full of singing peepers
As cozy as it is though, you don’t really want to think about spending every sunny day working down in the basement, trying not to hate the people who live next door to you. So thank goodness for having a lovely little state park with hiking trails right down the road, because it’s become a comfortable second-home to my fam and I, and we can usually find happiness and clarity while walking through the woods, laying in a sunny field, sitting by the running water, or — quite literally — hugging a tree. We’ve had plenty of deeply philosophical conversations while sitting at one certain picnic table under one certain pavilion.
Aside from all of the very predictable neighbor shit, ya girl had a little side quest of her own recently, which could also be considered very predictable if you were to look at my track record (I’m not saying this proudly).
Perhaps I should’ve stuck to 2024’s plan of not inviting any cisgender straight white men into my life (the plan was playing out seamlessly, I hadn’t cried in months), but you know I’m a weak lover girl at heart, and I slipped up. Unbelievable, I know!
But I guess I’m just a girl 🎀
these photos are an accurate representation of how dramatic I’m being right now
I am zen.
I am chill.
It’s called freedom.
Detoxing from human emotions is exhausting (see: cocaine, dopamine, and other drugs, where, once again, I was a foolish lover girl going on questionable side quests), but I have plenty of projects to work on and return to.
This month I’ve been working to clean out the garden for next month’s planting, which has been nice. Mom, Riley Mae and I usually clean it out in the autumn every year, after we’ve harvested the last of the winter squashes (we got 65 last year, did I ever mention that?), but last year we just didn’t feel like it, so we decided to leave it for spring cleanup.
I’ve been out there workin’ on my own, which I don’t mind, since it’s been quite lovely to be out in the sunshine, but I still have yet to finish the job. The weather has been so uncomfortably cold lately (last week we woke up to snow on the ground twice), that it has not been too tempting to spend all my afternoons out there.
It’s definitely been a cold, wet spring so far.
I’m also working on a baby shower gift for my cousin, although unfortunately I won’t be able to post photos of the finished project until after the shower.
All I can say is that it’s adorable and coming out exactly as planned so far. This might be the closest I ever get to being an aunt, so I’ll be making the most of it, with all of the cutest handmade baby gifts ❤
the maple trees are some of the first to blossom here
And now I must spend the rest of my evening working on a very special pet portrait, and checking another movie off my to-watch list. I just finally found Good Will Hunting streaming on Hulu, which was as wonderful as all of the other old Robin Williams movies.
And if you’ve made it this far in this randomly updatey post, I shall leave you with this song, which has successfully gotten under my skin and has been on a loop lately.
Also, like, Dermot Kennedy is hot…so, enjoy.
these days, oh, the world doesn’t sing to me quite how it used to / see, this life is a touch too damn much for me / maybe that’s meant for me
’cause I know there’s a room where I’m happy / but I can’t find my way to the door / tell me who wins the war between my heart and my head? / I forgot what I’m suffering for
art by jordan rae 