I cannot believe that we’re already into September — time is currently moving so fast, and also so excruciatingly slow (I’m still waiting for Agnes to start popping some kittens out, and I’m getting so impatient. I want to meet Amelia ! ! !).
Labor Day weekend means the annual country fair, and it’s quite convenient that Taylor now lives two minutes from the fairgrounds, so I just had to meet her at her apartment and then we carpooled there on Friday night. Last year the star of the show was a sweet half moon, this year we had a gorgeous full moon glowing orange above all the neon lights (once in a blue moon, baby).
I really was in awe, and just kept stopping in the middle of the crowds and pointing up to the sky like do you all see this??? I wish I could have captured her in high quality, but alas, I was only equipped with my phone’s camera (I brought Luna to the attention of some fellow fairgoers though, so you’re welcome to everyone who got to truly appreciate her beauty because of me).
there were so many friendly vendors that Taylor and I were chatting up this year, the vibes were impeccable
I do have to ask a very serious question though: what kinda karma do I have that I go to the fair to have a fun night out with my sister (she gets two free tickets every year and I get to be her plus-one because our dating lives are absolute shit, HA) and the only person that I see there that I know — out of thousands of fairgoers — is the guy who made me cry a month ago. And did I simply bump into him once? Nah, that wasn’t good enough for the universe. It had to be at least three times.
And no, he did not come over and tell me that he fucked up and that his life has been sadder without me in it (like he obviously should have), so like, what was the point?
In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never randomly run into this guy in my life, and I’m gonna start now?
I was so taken aback, I think my brain shut off. Awkward eye contact was definitely made, and I probably looked like a deer in headlights. But what the actual fuuuck.
last year Taylor and I stood in line for an hour just for her to get on one ride…so we skipped that madness this year
I’ve been doing so well with all my emotional healing lately that I had to do a double take because his face was the last face that I expected to look up and see at the booth next to me. And now my emotions are all like this again:
↘ ↗ ↘ ↗ ↘ ↗ ↘ ↗ ↘ ↗ ↘ ↗ ↘ ↗ ↘
Because even though I had come to the conclusion that he was probably just a fuck boy who didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I had come to terms with that — seeing him again made it hurt again.
(super embarrassing on my part, lol turns out: I’m stupid)
just an extrovert living her best life
Y’all I shouldn’t even be talking about this though. This is not blog material, this is material for my own personal bitch journal™ (i.e. a Word document where I write all of the messed up and pathetic thoughts that I need to get out of my head with zero filter. I’ve got paaaages worth. I highly recommend doing it — it’s extremely therapeutic. But also, if I die tomorrow, please make sure it’s the first thing that gets deleted).
So anyway, despite having to question whether the universe actually hates me or not, it was a really fun night. There’s just something about doing things that you talked about doing when you were younger that really hits the spot.
12-year-old me would have gone CRAZY entering this contest; I would’ve won for sure
My fam and I used to go to the fair every year on Friday morning and then stay into the afternoon. We purposely missed the weekend and nighttime crowds, but obviously Taylor and I would talk about how someday we would go at night and enjoy the lights and music and general chaotic energy. Because things like that always sound so special when you’re little.
Now we get to do it all, and live it up for our little innocent selves. We still always make a beeline for the animal barns first though, so that hasn’t changed (have I really been to the fair if I haven’t sweet-talked a cow, or formed a deep emotional connection with an adorable sheep who’s looked into my soul??)
the alpacas are cute too
Me and Taylor may be very different people, but our sister-dates are always 10/10.
Driving home alone at 11pm while listening to a very specific lineup of Taylor Swift songs is a whole different vibe though.
Thoughts and prayers to me.
(it’s a cruel summer)
as soon as I stepped out of the car a guy exuberantly complimented my bell-bottoms, so I know I looked hella cute (“on the outside i’m hootin, on the inside i’m hollerin” could not be more accurate)
art by jordan rae 