The past two months have honestly felt like a fever dream.

First, the unexpected reconnection happened and was so weird and fleeting that I sometimes feel like I made the whole thing up (maybe I am delusional). Then, just as I had begun to get my shit back together, my family and I are now faced with the grand adventure of moving out of the house that I’ve lived in my whole life. The house, and land, that we created to be a haven for ourselves (just as we started to enjoy our meadow too!).

And it’s not because we wanted to move. It’s not because we were looking for the adventure, or because we always imagined a different life for ourselves. It’s not because we don’t love the land, or love the house, or love the area that we’ve called home for 24 years.

But some tumultuous outside circumstances have pushed my family and I to really consider if we want to stay accepting where we are now, or if we’re ready for change. I won’t go into the hows and the whys right here, right now, but I will say that although it was a “sudden” decision, it’s also been 10 years in the making.

I absolutely believe that things happen for a reason, and that because of all this we’ll most likely end up somewhere incredible for all of us, but the whole situation is incredibly overwhelming and stressful right now. We’ve all been having trouble sleeping, despite being exhausted most of the day. We’ve binge-watched New Girl just to get through some long afternoons (our #1 comfort show). I can feel my nervous system on edge. My skin is threatening to break out. My body is reacting to the stress, but inside…I’m surprisingly calm.

Which is crazy, considering the fact that we had honestly expected to stay here forever.

I mean, I always knew I’d move out of this house eventually, when I find my person and start building a life with them, but I always thought this would be the home I’d come back to — the one where my parents would always be. Now it’s crazy to think that I might’ve been wrong.

Last week we had a realtor sitting at our table telling us how beautiful, clean, and desirable our house is (we know, it’s perfect — we created it this way). This week we’re having our house listed, and an open house is scheduled for this weekend. We have “emergency bags” packed for when we have to leave the house on short-notice for a showing.

But amidst the crazy stressors and anxieties…there are also waves of hope and excitement that ebb and flow.

We’re looking at a house tomorrow that has us a bit excited. It’s small, unpretentious, on a quiet road, and close to Taylor’s apartment. The back of the house faces woods that goes on for acres and acres. Could it be where we end up? Perhaps or perhaps not — but it’s made us start to dream of a happy life somewhere else.

Many people would consider us absolutely insane for how much we’re willing (and actually hoping) to downsize, but our family is the epitome of simple living. All we want is peace. All we want is quiet. All we want is to allow our bodies and minds to relax.

Maybe this is a whole new beginning for us — maybe it’s what we’ve all been waiting for.

So yeah, the only way to describe life currently is as an absolute fever dream.

I mean, hey, at least all four of us are on the same page, which is amazing. To some people our news may seem shocking, or maybe even rash…but like I said, this has been 10 years in the making.

We’re going through a lot right now, but we’re also ready to welcome in happier days, and we’re all willing to go where the universe directs us to go…although if I can put in one request, it’s that the ride there is a smooth one (I honestly think we deserve it).

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